I asked my dogs this morning what kinds of jobs I should apply for. Then I realized this was crazy. I was crazy. My dogs aren’t trained career counselors.
*realizes wet towels have been in the washer for three days*
*puts hazmat suit on*
I wish the internet (as we know it) had been around when I was in the fifth grade. I had a teacher who was so terrible at pronouncing words. And, yes, English was her first language.
Take for example, the time she accused me of copying the poem I’d just turned in. “You play-gar-ized this,” she said. “Do you mean plagiarized?” I asked. She puffed herself up like a proud hen and said, “It’s pronounced play-gar-ized; it’s spelled with a g!”
Showing her the pronunciation in the dictionary did no good. If there had been the internet, I would have made a compilation video of hundreds of people saying the word correctly. She still might not have believed it, stubborn thing that she was, but it would have been satisfying.
Sometimes, when I’m talking to my best friend about — oh, it could be anything from the Japanese stock market to the many uses of ice packs — I’ll suddenly blurt out, “Bees don’t pollinate corn AAAAH!”